Self Esteem Issues
January 23, 2012 § 7 Comments
Last year I won some money from a contest for writing a poem and painting a picture. I actually won 175 dollars. The poem is here if you want to read it. It’s really not my favorite thing I’ve ever written.
But that is not the point.
The point is, the contest that I got said money from last year, a local library system thing, is starting up again. And I am sort of freaking out.
I mean, I love my work. But when you’re judged faceless, it’s pretty scary. What if they don’t get it? What if they over think it? What if they miss it altogether. I mean, no doubt, there must be some really bad entries, but there are also tons of wonderful entries too. And although I know it shouldn’t even matter if I win or not–as I’m not particularly worried about the money or anything–it’s like I can’t control myself with worry.
Last year I didn’t worry about it at all. And I won first place in my division.
And I feel selfish too, because although I don’t really have anything to gain from the contest, I still *want* to win. Not to show off–or maybe to show off a little bit that makes it even worse)–but because I want to know that I am still good. That over this last year when the only time I have ever written anything was for this blog, for nanowrimo, or for school.
So really. This is all a self esteem issue.
I don’t like self esteem issues.