Self Esteem Issues

January 23, 2012 § 7 Comments

Last year I won some money from a contest for writing a poem and painting a picture. I actually won 175 dollars. The poem is here if you want to read it. It’s really not my favorite thing I’ve ever written.

But that is not the point.

The point is, the contest that I got said money from last year, a local library system thing, is starting up again. And I am sort of freaking out.

I mean, I love my work. But when you’re judged faceless, it’s pretty scary. What if they don’t get it? What if they over think it? What if they miss it altogether. I mean, no doubt, there must be some really bad entries, but there are also tons of wonderful entries too. And although I know it shouldn’t even matter if I win or not–as I’m not particularly worried about the money or anything–it’s like I can’t control myself with worry.

Last year I didn’t worry about it at all. And I won first place in my division.

And I feel selfish too, because although I don’t really have anything to gain from the contest, I still *want* to win. Not to show off–or maybe to show off a little bit that makes it even worse)–but because I want to know that I am still good. That over this last year when the only time I have ever written anything was for this blog, for nanowrimo, or for school.

So really. This is all a self esteem issue.

I don’t like self esteem issues.


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§ 7 Responses to Self Esteem Issues

  • Ah, you’ll be fine. They’ll love you. How could they not? The only reason they *might* not pick you is because you won last time. But seriously, with strange people like me to compare yourself against, who needs self esteem boosters? I’m horrible at poetry.

    • wreakinghavoc14 says:

      They promise to judge without knowing who you are and what not. Which is nice, but the reason I’m freaking out. Yeah, the post was a bit… frantic and needy rereading it. But thank you ever so much for the encouragement.

  • Your poem from last year is amazing. And the last poem you posted was great too. You are still good. If they don’t get it, it’s their loss.

  • wreakinghavoc14 says:

    Aw, thank you so much. I feel like I was fishing for compliments now, so I feel a bit selfish, but thank you all the same. The encouragement is quite lovely.

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